“Memory lies at the heart of human experience. It guides our ability to conjure up long-gone, but specific episodes in our lives to make sense of the continuity of self, of the relation between mind and body, and our experience of time. Our memories determine our identity – they establish where we’ve been, who we are. They are threads that connect our childhood selves with the adults we have become.”
– Kamogelo Walaza
These days I often question the sanity of the choices I made that got me to have my life stretched out over three different countries. Don’t get me wrong. I am mostly satisfied with where I am, but for someone who craves simplicity, my life is often far too complicated to my liking, despite the fact that I have been trying to disentangle myself as much as I can from both South Africa and the UAE. I can also only do so much before there is nothing left to get rid of, and simply have to make peace with what remains as part of my life.
In a bold move, I managed to empty the storage garage in which we stored the things we decided to keep when I joined Michael in the UAE in 2011. Initially the idea was to keep all the essentials in case things didn’t work out, and we had to move back to South Africa. In 2017 when we bought the property in Portugal, and I spent a couple of months in South Africa, I went through everything, keeping only the good things I thought we would move to Portugal, but as we bought everything from scratch in Portugal, our belongings in storage felt redundant and unnecessary to hold onto.
I asked Michael’s daughter if she would like to have the furniture pieces we still had, and when she said yes, organized that we would designate a day to go fetch it. I only had a vague recollection of what I kept, and didn’t know what to expect after seven years. Once I opened the garage, not only did memories come flooding back, but I also realised that there was a golden opportunity to empty it, as I did a good job to minimize things in 2017. The boxes with Michael’s stuff, and a couple of bits and bobs of mine, were moved to another storage garage housing his 1959 Land Rover we hope to bring over to Portugal at some point. The rest of the boxes were loaded on the trailer for me to sort through at their house.
As I only had that evening and early the next morning to finish with this task, I was ruthless as I sifted through every box, only keeping what I really, really, really want and could, over time, bring to Portugal one suitcase at a time. Some stuff immediately went into a suitcase to bring with me on this trip, while I filled two plastic crates to be kept in storage with my stepdaughter until a later date. By not allowing myself to get reattached to anything, I quickly gave most of it away, and although I am still processing the impact of this bold and somewhat brutal move, I also know that it was for the best.
The things we surround ourselves with get imbued with our energy, and as it becomes part of the backdrop and essence of our lives, it also absorbs our hopes and dreams, hence becoming part of the intricate web of memory and story, which is why it is sometimes so difficult to get rid of things.
Shared and individual memories and stories of the past were an essential component of this trip, as I spent quality time not only with my 91-year-old dad, but also my two brothers. Despite the four weeks I spent in the country, I didn’t get to see every member of the family, but I did spend many happy hours with those living near to one another, and saw various other members of our extended family during a braai we had for my dad’s 91st birthday on the farm. What I have perhaps enjoyed the most was speaking Afrikaans almost all the time during my visit. I even caught myself thinking in it, which hasn’t happened in a very long time.
Although it was lovely to be able to spend so much time with my family, I also found it tiring to constantly dip into different people’s lives, adjusting to their rhythms and realities, while missing my own on the quinta and the solitude I am used to.
It was therefore wonderful to return to my beloved cats and the life I’ve grown accustomed to. Transitions are always a bit jarring, but I have once again fallen back into the rhythm of quinta life and has resumed the strimming where I left off before I left. I’m also enjoying the bounty of the vegetable garden, even though it is less prolific than in previous years. There are tomatoes, peppers, chillies, eggplants, zucchini, paprika, basil, thyme, mint, sage, rosemary, lemon grass, as well as the tail end of some passion fruit. With the weather cooling down a bit, it is wonderful to spend as much time outside as possible before the heat of summer disappears. I love watching the stars fade in the early morning, listening to the owls hooting in the distance, as well as watching big swarms of swallows gathering at times under the overhang of the workshop, holding my breath, and hoping that they will build some nests here next year.
Notes:
# An earthquake on Friday morning, August 26th, at 5h11, registering 5.3 on the Richter scale, just off the coast of Sines: Yes, Portugal does have a risk of earthquakes, as the African plate, which is moving northward, collides with the Eurasian plate, creating a fair amount of geological stress.
The 1755 earthquake that destroyed not only a big part of Lisbon, but other parts of the country, is to this day remembered as one of Europe’s biggest natural disasters. It is believed to have registered between 8.5 and 9 on the Richter scale. The devastation in Lisbon was compounded by a fire that broke out, and a tsunami.
This last one was the strongest in 55 years, and was responsible for a flurry of activity in the newspapers about the readiness of the country, especially as the scientific community is of the opinion that it isn’t a question of ‘if’, but ‘when’ there will be another major earthquake. And while all of this was happening, I was fast asleep at a time that I am often awake, so the tremor that was felt in the area stayed unnoticed in my dreams.
Main historical earthquakes in Portugal: 1356 – Lisbon (8); 1755 – the entire country (8.5-9); 1761 – Braga (8); 1909 – Benavente (6); 1969 – Lisbon & Algarve (6.7).
Special Moments of Joy:
Midnight, for the first week, did not let me out of her sight, and curled up close against me at night, despite the heat. She is still staying close, sleeping on the bed with me, but she is also wandering off at times. Lily took a week before she decided to curl up on my lap again when I was having an early morning cup of coffee. It is clear that they are both happy to have me back in their different ways, and to resume our late afternoon/early evening walks.
Portuguese Expression:
Falar pelos cotovelos – “to speak through the elbows”. It refers to someone who not only talks a lot, but also very fast, and depending on the intonation can refer to a person who monopolizes a conversation in a negative way
Written by: Jolandi
Keep on sharing and teaching us.
We are not our past or our belongings. Thank you for turning our attention to what we have and what we actually need.
As we age we should aim to become minimalist.
So true. 💚
And yet, I find myself joyfully holding on to those objects that carry the stories that make up and define my life. There is also value in that, and I guess the wisdom comes with striking that balance that is just right for each of us. Big hug. – Jolandi
A wonderful, insightful post, Jolandi. I smiled at your striving for simplicity in life, but in reality it seems to be too complicated to your liking. Isn’t it a bit funny how life seems to throw so many curves our way as we try to make it through it? Over the past year or so, I too have tried to disentangle myself from connections to my past locations – and it seems an impossible task. Kind of heartbreaking in a way, as I want to keep everything. I like the attachments and connections… similar to your opening quote: “… specific episodes in our lives to make sense of the continuity of self, of the relation between mind and body, and our experience of time. Our memories determine our identity…” and I don’t want to let any of it go.” Everything it seems is tied so tightly to us, reminding us of our youthful dreams and a part of our essence. Sigh…
Your photos bring this feeling out, but also it gives a spark of hope that even if I cut the cord with the physical items (property and material items), the memories will still hold strong. Being able to go back home and seeing the combine in action (I love that photo), and the land you use to call home, can still keep the connections strong – and help to continue growth in your life. Beautiful sentiments and writing, I love this post. Best to you as we enter autumn.
The process of disentanglement is certainly one filled with heartbreak, Randall. So many of the things I had to let go off I would have preferred to keep too, as I could still remember exactly why or when I bought them, even when I knew it made no sense to hold on to them, as I simply couldn’t move them to Portugal. I’m sure that for you too it is the fact that so many of these things hold so many memories, and even though memories can live independently within us, it is often the objects that jolt them back into existence. It is perhaps through engaging with these processes that we also understand how our past selves are becoming our future selves, and how what we value tells us something about our place in the world. Good luck with your struggles with disentanglement. May autumn be a joyful season for you. – Jolandi
I’ve been having trouble leaving comments at your blog, so if I missed a post or two, please forgive me. I’m not sure why—the Jetpack app on my iPhone has been awful and I’m thinking of deleting it, though it’s more convenient at times than hauling out my laptop and typing out a comment on that. (And it’s been missing since my move: I know it’s somewhere in this mess, but to date it’s still MIA.) Anyway, I recognize the feeling of having started a new life in another place and realizing the things you once thought important in your old life aren’t needed anymore. It felt like shedding an old skin when I got rid of a lot of old things, clothes, knickknacks, kitchen gadgets I no longer used, and furniture: I just wish this time around I had time to get rid of more things. It’s also a reminder I need to be more thoughtful when I go shopping. It’s funny how something I wanted passionately, like an expensive pair of shoes or handbag looks useless five years later. I’m glad to see you home with the cats! I’m sure they’re glad you decided to move to Portugal!
I completely understand about the frustrations with apps not working the way they should. A comment from you is always a delight, but sometimes life is more important than keeping up with blog posts and comments. I hope you are starting to feel a bit more settled after your move. It is always disruptive, even when it isn’t far. We often outgrow things, and like you effectively say, it is often easier to get rid of stuff before we move. So, good luck with sorting out and finding a place for everything again.
And yes, I suspect the cats are really, really happy that they now live in Portugal where they can roam outside. – Jolandi
There was only one time in my life when I accumulated (on purpose) and that was when my husband and I had a house. After eight years we moved to an apartment, and as I divested myself of surplus items, it was as if a great weight was lifting off my shoulders. Possessions no longer owned me.
But of course, there is a balance, and as I read your post, I was reminded I’d written something similar previously. I’d forgotten the detail, and even though you read it at the time, I don’t imagine you recall that either. Perhaps there are some points in here you can take comfort from.
https://garrulousgwendoline.wordpress.com/2017/08/14/a-thing-of-beauty/#comments
So great to see your father and family and listen to hum of the combine once more; and then, once “home” again, to be embraced by your lovely cats (even if Lily let you know what she thought of you leaving in the first place).
I hope you get to enjoy autumn. Here spring seems to have forgotten to have a turn. But August is the windy month (as it must have been in South Africa) and that has not forgotten. It’s been howling outside my study window all day long.
I’m also luckily not a hoarder, and believe that whatever I have should be useful, but I love and agree with these words from your post in the link, Gwen: . . . “such a utilitarian approach could make life very grey, and I love to be surrounded by colour and beauty.” Most of my possessions also have a story to tell, which imbues it with an energy that elevates them from just being a beautiful object.
Yes, Augusts in SA are also windy, and on the farm can be full blown dust storms. I’ve missed most of that, and have come home to slightly cooler summer temperatures, which means they don’t go over 35C at the moment. That said, there is a prediction for a drop in temperatures to under 30C soon, which should be lovely. I love autumn on the quinta, because of the cooler temperatures, but it can still hold the heat of what I would consider perfect summer temperatures. – Jolandi
Great to know you had such a productive trip to South Africa. What a huge challenge to sort out lives past. Also great that you had a chance to speak (and think in) Afrikaans.
Ah, you would know all about that, Peggy. You’ve also packed a couple of lives into this one. – Jolandi
It struck me how you described getting rid of things from storage before you allowed yourself to become re-attached. What a nice thought – sort of a gentle push for a heart. Interestingly, I have experience of that just yesterday, cleaning out a backyard shed that we have not sorted through since we moved here. Most of my dragons have remained packed – how many dragons does one really need, when moving into a home? So yesterday, unwrapping 50 of them probably, I realized that some caused a physical reaction when I felt joy at seeing an old friend. Some caused zero reaction, or maybe a “Huh, where did this come from?” Using that, I made a pile of dragons to donate to Goodwill. Like you, I spent no time trying to remember their significance, because this way I can let go with no pain. I told a story to my friend Marlene on her blog this morning too: that Mother Nature helped me get rid of several boxes of fabric I had been saving, intending to use in a future sewing project one day. They were in a storage shed with a hole in the roof we were unaware of, and were rained on all winter long. When I discovered them, it all had to be put into the trash. Thank goodness. Now I do not have to decided what to do with all that fabric.
The cats! The cats were both so perfectly cat-like in their response, and my heart just swelled for both of them and their ways of showing you how they felt about your absence. They must be reassured to resume evening walks. I’m glad you can still watch fox news, too. Also I was hoping there would be a lot of garden resources when you returned, because it’s just the season for it, even though you didn’t have the opportunity to tend it for a while. Glad to see there are. Pedro had to harvest all our corn yesterday because he discovered that the squirrels have been helping themselves. It’s not quite ripe, but edible and sweet. He was so irritated at the squirrels, explaining that he had chased them out of the corn once, and came back ten minutes later to find them back in the corn! It was unfortunate timing, as he had been working hard all day to build a new squirrel home. Can you believe the coincidence? During the winter, a squirrel box mounted on a tree that had been in constant use, finally rotted and fell off the tree. It has been his plan ever since to build a new one. Yesterday was the day, and THEN! those little rascals get after his corn – which he has been carefully watching for months. Oy. Animals, haha.
Welcome back to the Quinta. It is yet one more step in creating your new life: returning there from your people in South Africa. It’s the first of many future visits, and the creation of a relationship between Portugal and your old home, changing both in your mind. One day, that relationship will feel familiar.
I always love to hear your own stories connecting with my experiences, Crystal. I find it fascinating to hear versions of the same struggles or joys. Hence I also feel for Pedro who has been so kind to rebuild the squirrel home, just to be rewarded by them feasting on the corn he has been protecting and caring for the whole of summer. I hope that you have been enjoying your vegetable garden, and getting settled a bit more in your lovely new home. – Jolandi
I think every now and again it’s a good idea to reconnect with our past, with the people we grew up and played with, with the places that used to be in our backyard, so that when we return to our present-day life — with its own rhythms — we can appreciate both more. I remember how satisfying it felt when I got rid off around 60-70% of my personal belongings when I moved to Jakarta. I’m glad you were safe after the earthquake, Jolandi. And it’s nice to see how much Midnight missed you, and Lily too in her own way and pace.
Such wise words, Bama. An appreciation of the past and the presence and the way they connect within us is really a special way of looking at ourselves and lives. We are where we are, because of where we have been.
I really love how different Midnight and Lily are from one another. – Jolandi
Your photos reminded me of our modus operandi when we emptied the house in which we raised our three children. We gathered meaningful items and after reading through them, holding them, and otherwise reconnecting with them, we laid them out in various groupings and photographed them for posterity. A digital photo does not elicit the same feelings necessarily, but it sure takes up less space! Of course there were some dear, dear items that we each chose to keep also.
I’m happy your trip went well and that you are safely and happily home on the quinta with Midnight and Lily. Have a great fall!
I love reading how everyone deals with and interacts with possessions, Lexie. Which also changes as we move through the different stages of our lives. I’m always surprised as to which objects inspire stronger emotions and memories than others. It can be very telling. I love how you decided to deal with the items you consider meaningful. And yes, I agree, we should all have a box somewhere with items that bring back special memories. To hold something is definitely different from just having a picture, but there certainly is a place for both.
I hope you are feeling more settled with each passing day, and that summer brought a lot of joy. Big hug. – Jolandi
Yayyyy, she’s back safe and sound. Your trip reminded me of mine, where I poured through boxes my ex sent to my brother. I wish I had gotten rid of everything or sent it off to my mom. Instead, I took a few things and decided I didn’t want to deal. Yeahhhhh. Regret that.
But it’s done, so the next time, the next time, right? Whenever that will be! GAH!
It’s never as simple or as straightforward as we wish it were when we have to deal with sentimental items. Like you, I have regrets, but I guess that is part of the process, isn’t it? I think that the nature of your life is such that you are often confronted with the emotional versus the practical value of stuff. And most of the time it is a mixture of both, isn’t it? Definitely, next time, we’ll get it just right. 😇 – Jolandi