“Others can stop you temporarily – you are the only one who can do it permanently.”
– Zig Ziglar
During the last couple of months Michael and I have seriously questioned the sanity of the choices we´ve made in recent years. Our struggles with the bureaucratic system, and finding people who work to our standards in Portugal never cease to shock and amaze us. Like a Portuguese friend pointed out recently, `it’s a hard country for people who want to do things`, but an easy one for those who simply come to live a life with less. He would know, as he too is struggling with the bureaucratic weight of what should be simple processes, and reliability and quality of the work of builders. Despite the hype in the media of proclaiming Portugal as some sort of paradise to lure people with money to settle in the country, many an immigrant, in excess of 350,000 actually, who has had their application stuck somewhere in the system and has been waiting for years to get a residence visa issued, will tell a vastly different story.
Although I´ve lived in Germany, Taiwan, South Korea, and the UAE, it has been in the guise of an expat – someone who is living and working in a country for a limited amount of time before either moving to another country for work, or moving back to a home country. But with South Africa falling down an abyss of mismanagement, violence, and corruption, Michael and I have always known that we would do everything we could not to return.
Portugal is my first experience of being an immigrant, and as an immigrant I am determined to create a life here for myself with citizenship as a goal. The fact that I love our quinta as much as I do is perhaps the single biggest driving force behind my determination not to give up on the dream Michael and I are willing into being. That is, apart from the money and life force we´ve already spent here in the six years of owning the land, and I cringe to have wasted by giving up.
This dream, much harder to realize than we anticipated, sometimes morph into the absurd or take on the stuff of nightmares, and in recent months we´ve given ourselves permission to sell and move on if we choose to do so at some point, just so that we can feel that we are not trapped, but actually have choices. That has been very freeing. We have no intention to give up before we´ve realized our dream, but the knowledge that we are not stuck here when backed into the darkest corners of various challenges, not only give us the courage to fight back, but also make us more resolute to see it through.
On my Plate & In the Garden
Autumn is a great season for a variety of produce from the land, as it still includes tomatoes, zucchinis, eggplants, and chilies in the beginning, before the transition to chard, coriander, and rocket, while chickweed starts to grow lush, not just in various places on the land, but in the vegetable garden too.
It is also the start of mushroom season, and although I am very hesitant to identify and eat foraged mushrooms, I do pick Parasol mushrooms to dry and add to various stews in winter for a rich umami flavour, and this year managed to pick a bounty of Wood Blewits.
As I get to know the land, I also know where certain edible wild foods grow, which means my confidence in identifying, finding, and using it is becoming a seasonal joy. One such joy is the bounty of Hawthorne berries (haws), which has a long season, stretching from September to late November. This year I´ve picked the blossoms in spring, which I infused in aguardente, and am now using mixed with the infused haw aguardente to make a Hawthorne liqueur. I´ve done the usual ketchup, but also experimented with a shrub, jam, and a sauce – all of which I consider delicious, and worthy of repeating as part of my repertoire.
Autumn means olive harvest season, and as I am happy with my olive brining recipe, I have again picked a fair amount of olives for eating before the rest was harvested on the last day of October for oil. The rainy weather before the harvest meant that the conversion ratio from olives to oil was extremely disappointing (17kg of olives for 1 litre of oil), but we did get roughly 25 litres of oil, which is more than our yearly consumption, and leaves us with extra oil in case of a disastrous harvest like last year, as well as with some to give to family and friends.
I´ve eaten my very first orange from one of our (still very small) trees just before I wrapped all the citrus up for the frosty winter days, and what a delight it was. There is something extremely satisfying and exciting about produce one grows oneself or get from one´s own land, and is one of the things I cling to when challenges feel insurmountable.
Progress on the Land
We´ve made an amazing amount of progress by deciding to build the retaining wall for the agricultural building I fondly refer to as the workshop, ourselves. Not only did we save money, but it was also done according to our standards, which is much higher than the usual Portuguese way of doing things. This warrants its own blog post, which will follow shortly.
The actual steel structure was also finally erected, after I bumped into the builder´s wife at the grocery store, and we had a quick coffee together. Never underestimate the influence of a wife!
Weathering the Weather
I love autumn, but this year didn´t have much time to simply bask in the gorgeous days we mostly get, as they were filled with deadlines and hard physical labour. The daytime temperatures at the end of September, beginning of October fluctuated between 30°C and 34.4°C for 19 consecutive days, which coincided with the bulk of the work on the retaining wall.
Ironically, once the work was completed, rainy weather settled in for a couple of weeks, which made the next phase of backfilling more challenging. In September we received 154mm of rain, while in October we had 208mm, and in November 79.5, making it a total of 441.5 for the season. This meant that compared to last year autumn, we had 136.5mm more.
Despite very different weather patterns and daytime temperatures over the lasts three years, the monthly averages had less than a one-degree Celsius fluctuation. Our first frost this year, though, came 21 days later than last year, which I´m not unhappy with, but I´m also not sure if it is a good or bad thing long term.
Midnight & Lily
One of the things I love about autumn is how the brown palette of summer, with the first rains, almost overnight, turns into various shades of green. Midnight and Lily are still loving their life on the quinta, and having them around certainly soothes some of the heaviness that settles in my heart at times.
Visitors
With all the work that happened, the quinta was filled with voices and activity, and although it was mostly a pleasant experience, it was a stressful time for me, which is making me look forward to a reprieve during the winter months. We saw our first two scorpions, which I must admit was not at all to my liking. Michael nearly touched one, as he picked up some pipes next to the house, and I ended up killing the other, much bigger one, with a fly swat when it made its way into the house.
Officialdom
My nightmare with the immigration authority appears to be never-ending, and in the latest twist I was sent an appointment date for another appointment, which ended up being a 5-hour roundtrip, and turned out to be a complete waste of time, as their system dealing with my type of appointment wasn´t working since the authority changed from one entity to another a couple of days before. I will spare you the details, but let´s just say that although I know most countries deal with some sort of bureaucracy, Portugal seems to have perfected it to be a very specific kind of hell.
Other Adventures
As I always go away for my birthday, Michael encouraged me to book a longer getaway after all the stress and work in September and October. I did so happily, choosing a hotel on a wine farm near Amarante. It equally provided me with an opportunity to visit a friend in Guimarães, and book a tile painting workshop with her. My well-planned escape was thwarted by terrible weather, and the immigration authority which scheduled an appointment in the middle of my getaway. Despite the disappointments, it did help to clear my mind from obsessing about everything that needs to get done on the quinta.
Portuguese Words
um pesadelo – a nightmare
Written by: Jolandi
Ah Jolandi, those bureaucrats are battering your soul, not just your patience. Your store of Portuguese swear words must be growing by the day. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference,” springs to mind. I used to keep this prayer on my office desk. The words held power for me, even though I am not religious. There was a tinge of resignation to it as well. As they say, “it’s difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys”.
Speaking of eagles, the white-bellied sea eagle couple nesting in a wetlands niche of suburban Sydney raised two eaglets again this year, and both seem to have fledged successfully.
It’s good to read you take continued solace in the nature around you and your beautiful cats, The wine helps too! Happy belated birthday wishes.
Here we are with December almost upon us and still in winterish clothing. We did a road trip recently (still haven’t finished the blog posts), and in Broken Hill in far western NSW, a 41’c day was followed by a 20’c one. There is no sense to it.
At least as you and the land bunker down for winter you can look forward to indoor nights with a good book, wine, and warm cats cuddling. Hopefully another type of respite.
I´m trying not to learn any Portuguese swear words, Gwen. Better I swear in Afrikaans with less people knowing what I´m saying. 🙊😅 But yes, I tend to use a choice selection on a regular basis.
The words of that prayer is definitely useful to keep in mind in times of struggle and adversity.
I love that it seems both white-bellied sea eaglets have fledged successfully. Nature really can be incredibly inspirational and help us stay grounded. If it wasn´t for the seasonal rhythms and the fact that I get so much from the land, I think I would have given up long ago. It is also why I love working outside, experiencing nature with all my senses.
I have yet to read your last two blog posts of your trip, but I´ve been enjoying the series. Like you say, the weather seems to make no sense at all everywhere.
Your description of my winter nights are spot on. Hope you will have a pleasant summer. – Jolandi
Well, this started off with a heaviness that made me sad (I’m so sorry about all your frustrations), but as the post went along, your indomitable spirit began to resurface. Still, I’m sure there are only so many times you can rally from the extreme annoyances you face, and that sometimes, it just doesn’t seem possible to rise above those yet again. I hope you are at the nadir and that little by little, things start to go your way. I’m happy that Midnight and Lilly, as well as all your fresh, homegrown food goodies, can bring some lightness and sweetness to your life!
I too hope that things will start going our way sooner than later, Lexie. Michael and I are dealing with other challenges not relating or half-relating to Portugal, which I don´t want to write about, but I often wonder if I would have been able to deal with what I have to deal with here better without the added weight of those. I will never know, but having a life that is fractured into pieces over three countries is definitely not how one simplifies life. I´m a natural plodder, tend to notice the brighter side of life, have a life-saving sense of humour, and am not one to give up easily, but with Portugal I´ve definitely met my nemesis.
I make a point of savouring the sweet moments of life with the cats, as all three of us would hate to move back to a city. And nature has a way of grounding me, giving me the courage I need to lift my chin when I feel I can´t. – Jolandi
Hi Jolandi, I can totally relate to your situation. We have to pay thousands for visas annually eventhough we own land and contribute to the workforce. We had given up…although our villas are fully booked for the first time, all our money goes to immigration.
Good luck for your endeavours and keep us posted.
Thank you so much for sharing your own frustration and struggle.
I wish this on no one, but it also makes me feel more normal, when my own challenges are reflected in those of others, as so often I am made to feel that I am not doing enough to solve the issue by people who has had a different experience.
We have from the beginning made use of immigration lawyers in Lisbon to guide me through the process. Luckily it was a once off fee (expensive), but they have to keep supporting me and deal with the immigration authority on my behalf until I have my residence visa. One of the lawyers from the firm had to make the futile roundtrip from Lisbon to Guarda on the day of my appointment, and who knows where they will schedule the next one, when they eventually do.
It saddens me to hear stories like yours where there is an active contribution to the economy, yet it appears to be a greedy one-sided relationship, instead of benefitting both parties as it should. Good luck with your own challenges. It is sad when people abandon their dreams. Not to mention costly. – Jolandi
It does help to know you have choices. You may not like the choices, but mentally it can do the body good. Is it possible to be a long term resident, not necessarily a citizen? In other words, a compromise for the sake of time and sanity? Do either of you have any European roots that would allow you to be part of the EU citizenship? I remember my friend Mary (she’s American and Vietnamese) got her Irish citizenship through her grandma or something like that. She claimed that it was easy.
Sorry, don’t mean to add to your frustrations. You’ve probably been asked the same questions a thousand times.
Are you sure you or Michael don’t want to marry a Portuguese? Adopt a child? Would a Portuguese cat adoption help? Stop me anytime, just throwing out ideas….
Hope you’re laughing, or that I at least made you smile. Thinking of you, xxoo
I´m definitely laughing, Lani. The cat adoption sounds great, if only it could have smoothed over the process.
I should write a seperate blog post on this whole ordeal for clarification at some point soon. Michael has a British passport too, and my initial appointment was a pre-Brexit one, which was moved by the immigration authority amidst the pandemic chaos to be post-Brexit, and so the hell started. What was supposed to be a simple family reunification visa has ended up in a mess. It´s not even citizenship (which is of course the goal) that is complicating the process. I have not even been issued the most basic, in example, a temporary residence visa. And my family has been so long in South Africa that tracing our roots back to Europe is almost impossible, and certainly not recent enough for any shortcuts. Trust me, I have looked into all my options, and we have had lawyers helping me from the beginning. The mess is not because of anything I am doing either wrong or option I am missing along the way. All my information, including my biometrics is already in their system. All that they really need to do, is issue the visa. – Jolandi
Ugh, bureaucrats. If it’s any comfort, my son-in-law, who came to the US when he was 10 years old but didn’t apply for citizenship until he was 25 and married to my daughter, a US-born citizen, ended up paying a lawyer over $6000 to clear all of the paperwork. He said he could have done it by himself, but the amount of forms, tests, declarations of income and employment, etc. was so daunting he finally broke down and paid someone else to handle the grief, which took three years. I do sympathize with your decision to let everything go if things don’t turn out well. It’s agony to let go of a dream, especially when you’ve invested so much money and time (and emotions, which are just as important) into making it happen. Many a life coaching website will tell you ‘if it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for:’ but I don’t think it’s worth the emotional and economic bruising that comes with fighting something that’s immovable, like weather or bureaucracy. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses and run, though I really hope it doesn’t come to that for you. I hope next spring brings hope along with blooms and new life!
Your son-in-law was definitely wise to pay a lawyer, Hangaku, even though that is a chokingly high amount of money to spend. We´ve had lawyers from the very beginning for exactly that reason. The required paperwork can be daunting, and making one mistake can complicate the whole process. Especially when the system is broken as it is currently in Portugal. I should write about it to make it clear that I am sadly not an exception to the rule. Which is why I am sticking with it, as if I were an outlier, I definitely would have taken it as a sign that it is not the place for me. I cannot agree with you more regarding the futile fight against immovalbe things like weather or bureaucracy. I trust that it won´t ever come to giving up on this specific dream, but must admit that it is freeing to give ourselves permission to call it quits if needs be. – Jolandi
I can feel your frustration through your writing, and I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Just try and keep your chin up and move forward. Giving yourselves an out option must calm the mind and relieve some of the stress, but also push the dream forward without giving up. You are in my thoughts and I look forward to the blog post that says it is done.
It was so nice to see your blog post in my email, I had been thinking about you and hadn’t had a post in a while.
Your birthday getaway while it may have been interrupted looks and sounds like so much fun and an adventure for you. Happy belated birthday and stay strong. Terri
I can´t wait to write that post that says it is all done, Terri.
It was a struggle for me this year to sit down and write, hence the format of seasonal news to limit the number of posts I felt I had to write. Writing about difficult things make one relive it, especially when one is still in the midst of it.
I attempted to comment on your last post, but it didn´t allow me to. I was very happy to learn that “All the Light We Cannot See” was made into a Netflix series (it is one of my all-time favourite books), which is why I am planning to sign up to Netflix again for the coming long winter nights.
Thank you for your kind wishes and encouragement. – Jolandi
So glad you saw the post about All The Light We Cannot See. I finished it, it was definitely hard to watch in some spots, but it was such a great series. I hope you can see it.
I certainly understand how hard it is to sit and write a post when life is throwing things at you. That is why I hadn’t written on Bee Readin for a long time. You are in my thoughts, and I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that all the red tape is handled quickly and you can realize your dream. Hang in there.
Terri
I was wondering about your silence, Terri. Sending you a big hug and good vibes. May you too find the strength to hang in there. – Jolandi
Oh Jolandi! I am so sorry you are continuing to have such a struggle with your visa. I am pleased you have both decided to give yourselves permission to give up and sell up if it all becomes completely unbearable. This ploy really does work, as you have discovered and always seems to give a new burst of courage or energy.
Midnight and Lily are living their best life now they are free to roam at will on the quinta and your knowledge of the flora and fauna that surrounds you is quite extensive now. The things that you have done with hawthorn amaze me! I would never think of using haws to make anything as the work involved is so great! I am very lazy when it comes to cooking!
This autumn has been very wet here with lots of flooding, fairly mild temperatures but not much sunshine either. I am pleased you were able to build the retaining wall yourselves before the rain came and that for the price of a coffee you managed to get the builder to visit too!
I was thinking of you just the other day and wondering how you are. I will continue to think of you and hope for a happy outcome to all your struggles
Clare xx
Thank you so much for your kind words, Clare. I will keep the faith in a good outcome, and enjoy the gorgeous moments of respite on the land.
I love working with haws a little bit more each year, despite being so labour intensive. It brings so much joy to my heart and tummy. I had a good laugh when a friend once suggested I sell the Hawthorne ketchup I make, replying that no one would buy it, because it will simply be too expensive. Even if I could get Michael to build me something to extract the pulp mechanically, there is still the whole harvesting part . . . Gaining intimate knowledge of the land through the plants that grow here is such a gift.
Wishing you a bit more sunshine as autumn transitions into winter. – Jolandi
How nice that Midnight and Lily are spared from the worries and unknown future. You’re like a parent to them, providing them the most joy and peace you can, while shouldering the burdens. Of course, you have no choice, since you don’t speak cat, but it must be nice in any case. As others have said, I think your decision to give yourselves permission to sell and go and start over somewhere else is good on so many levels. It takes so much pressure off, and could make all the difference in making it so you can stay. I envy your consistency in really working with and using the fruits of your land. I always have a garden, but never use it as thoroughly as you do. Your bodies must appreciate the tastiness and the healthiness of it. What fun to have an annual birthday trip and for the first time I noticed you tend to go alone, and it might be because Michael is not there, but it might be intentional. I am considering making that a tradition for myself. My upcoming birthday in January I have already planned a trip for Pedro and me to make a road trip to my brother’s new home, a five hour drive from here. My birthday in 2025 I have plans already: a Lord of the Rings tour in New Zealand (I’m so excited). But future alone birthdays would be so much fun for me too.
Your images are always outstanding: you must enjoy photography to do it so well. My faves this time are the olive trees with green grass at the top, the wild rose (oh, the blush makes my heart sigh), and the marvelous red-spattered terraced grapes at the end. My love to the whole family in this season. <3
You are incredibly observant, Crystal. Yes, I do solo trips for my birthday, which is very intentional. I treat them as opportunities for reflection and nourishment, and try to find special places for the occasion. I highly recommend this, and hope I can do this for the rest of my life. One birthday I spent among the temples in Bagan (Myanmar), which was a place I dreamt of going to from the moment I knew of its existence, while on another trip I spent the day making a pair of leather sandals in Yogyakarta (Indonesia). I am not social at all and actually don´t like spending the day with others in what one would normally consider to be the way to celebrate. A surprise birthday party for instance would be a nightmare come true for me. Your birthday plans for 2025 sounds amazing. What an exciting trip to look forward to!
Thank you for the lovely compliment. Yes, I do enjoy photography. It is a way for me to look at the world in a different way, and I often love zooming in on smaller things that so often can be missed or overlooked.
Wishing you and Pedro, and your extended families a lovely and blessed holiday season. – Jolandi
Reading your opening thoughts, I imagined the moments I’ve had in my life where a series of obstacles seemed insurmountable… so when I read the lines where you understand you have options and give yourself the freedom to choose where you can go, I had to smile. Very freeing thoughts. There is strength in saying and believing those words ~ you have the freedom to move on ~ the thought creates resiliency and makes finding a way more enjoyable. Makes the dream you are living, creating through good times and bad, that much more special.
Your photos and descriptions are a delight… and reading all you’ve done over the years is truly inspiring. It’s such a pure and authentic way to live a life, and something I think everyone dreams about (and even “um pesadelo” can be beneficial at times 🙂 ). Wonderful writing, as always, and wishing you a perfect ending to autumn for you… Czech has slid head first into winter, so I’m definitely wishing to be in Portugal right now. Cheers to a great holiday season!
You word it so beautifully, Randall. You are right in how freeing it is to know one has options, while it builds a very different kind of resiliency and enjoyment of all those nuances of life. And yes, I am often astounded when I look back to where we started. Life is a bit like walking up the steep slope of a mountain, isn´t it? We are so focused on the struggle of getting to the top, and then enjoy the vista that opens up in the direction of where we want to go that we forget to look back to see where we´ve come from.
Brrr – stay warm. May winter bring its own special blessings. – Jolandi
Hello dear Jolandi,
Oh my, oh my. I wish I could give you a warm (gentle) hug. Having had the pleasure of following you on your adventure over the years, my heart breaks knowing that you still have to deal with many challenges, especially those that are so very frustrating! Having lived “full time” in a foreign country, I can painfully relate to much of what you are going through…and I can imagine how much more daunting it is when it’s a full commitment to immigration and citizenship.
I admire and praise your wisdom (both you and Michael) of allowing yourselves to have a Choice and not remain tethered to something if it gives more stress than what is worth. Dreams can and do evolve and you always have my warm support.
It is very thoughtful of Michael to suggest you go on an extended holiday for your birthday. And so very glad you could enjoy time away and spend quality time with a friend. A very belated Happy Birthday, and I wish you a year full of good health and happiness and of course continued progress on your dream.
I don’t mean to digress, but if the postal system works smoothly (or smoother than the usual bureaucracy) I’d be happy to send you some bird photo postcards from Japan. Maybe it can give you a reason to smile 🙂 If that’s something you might be interested in, please do feel free to let me know via email (I think you should be able to see it when I post this comment, otherwise I’ll find a way to let you know!).
Apologies for the digression. Truthfully this has been a challenging year, but your posts have always provided the extra strength and motivation when most needed. Thank you for so generously sharing your experiences through your beautiful writing and photos.
Warm wishes from your friend in Japan,
Takami
I think it is when one can relate to someone else’s challenges that one can have so more than just a general empathy, Takami, and this comment of yours means so much to me, because of that. I hope with all my heart that 2024 will be a less challenging year for both of us.
What a kind and generous offer. I would love some of your bird photo postcards, as your photography is exquisite. As for the postal service . . . 🙈 The short answer is, it depends. But I will send you an email and explain. Big hug back. – Jolandi
Thank you my dear friend! I received your email and just sent my reply.
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend.