“The important thing is never to let oneself be guided by the opinion of one’s contemporaries; to continue steadfastly on one’s way without letting oneself be either defeated by failure or diverted by applause.” – Gustav Mahler
“So, what do you do, while Michael is working?”
The question cracks like a cricket bat against my head. I can feel it spinning . . .
As I open my eyes, I yawn and groan slightly when I move, but I get up to make us some coffee. I love the softness of the light as the day is breaking, but not so much the endless list of tasks waiting for me. There is breakfast, lunch and supper to think of. Dishes. Doing our laundry by hand. Fetching buckets of water to do these tasks. Making the bed, sandwiching it out of the way, or moving it into the barn to free up space for Michael to work. Unpacking it for a short siesta after lunch, before reversing the process again. The windows need washing, and spiderwebs removing. There are thistles and brambles and overhanging branches – all sorts of unwanted growth to deal with. At the prediction of rain I move the whole outside kitchen inside, trying to keep things together and out of the way. Then move it back again. Move parts of it in out of the cold wind to prepare supper, and out again in the morning. I fill up the puddles that have formed in the outside kitchen, where I chop and wash up. I sift sand and fill buckets for Michael to mix concrete. I run to lend a hand whenever he calls. When I remember, I pause to shoot photographs or video footage. And I spend a lot of time looking for things. My things. His things. I pack and unpack everything we need at different parts of the day in boxes in the barn, and cover it to keep sparks or sawdust from it. Ever so often I remind myself to look up and see the beauty surrounding me. And when the light seeps from the day I flop down exhausted onto my mattress and into the embrace of a dreamless sleep.
“Yes, but what kind of chores?”
I blink, swallow hard, and mumble some sort of answer.
I feel like I’ve been weighed and found too light. I don’t have a single photo to offer as a defense, except for a brief reflection in the glass of the sliding door that caught me in the act of filming.
Work. Did anyone mentioned work? I yawn, take a sip of Sagres, close my eyes, and enjoy the gentle caress of the breeze on my skin. In the distance I can hear the sound of a grinder, but I focus my attention on the birdsong above me instead . . .
Written by: Jolandi
June 2019 Visit
When I quit my paid job to look after my kids, I used to face a similar inquisition: “So what do you do with all that time at home?” It was hard not to laugh—or snarl defensively, “What time? I never have any time to myself anymore….”
I was thinking about you and Michael when news of the wildfires in Portugal broke earlier this week. I hope you’re all right and your property is safe. In California we’re also under a fire watch, what with the hot temperatures, southern breezes and dry, dry grass everywhere. It’s kind of nerve-wracking to know how one tiny spark can ignite the place like dynamite. Take care!
I love how you put it, ‘snarl defensively’. I could not have put it better myself. And you clearly understand exactly what I’m on about. Yes, wildfires are definitely a phenomenon we will have to live with like you have to. It did not rain much in winter, so I assume it makes it even drier and hence worse. We are lucky that we are not surrounded by forest, so our property is safe. Thank goodness. – Jolandi
You are a good sport … to take those questions and answer them in a civil tone! I have often fought to take the “skilled” handyman jobs just so I don’t have to do all the behind-the-scenes stuff that you list here, which can be much more tedious and time-consuming. The scope of your work there is clearly in need of more than one person, no matter how talented one of them is with the technical tools!
Thank you for your support, Lexie. Yes, I often think it is the fact that these jobs are so tedious that they feel worse, especially when they are never-ending. We often think we complement one another well, so at least I have Michael’s support in my grumbling, as he never dismisses my contribution as something trivial. – Jolandi
Oh, Jolandi! It is so exhausting having to do all those never-ending chores! It’s so much easier to have a project with a beginning, a middle and an end than having to do all the preparation and clearing-up afterwards. I don’t go out to work and those who do raise their eyebrows when I say I have no time for certain things and I am exhausted at the end of the day. I have a daughter with severe social anxiety and a very elderly mother who both need a lot of my time, as well as a house and large garden.
Prioritise, do one job at a time without worrying about the others, enlist help as much as you can and try not to list the jobs too often because that is just too depressing! 😀 Enjoy your well-deserved siestas and glasses of wine. The house will be done very soon.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and advice, Clare. It is clear that you understand exactly what I’m talking about. I often wish there were more hours in a day and that I had the energy to match them. Michael often thinks that I’m a bit over-sensitive, which is definitely true, but I often wonder why people even deem it necessary to ask questions like that. Especially when it comes from women who are also engaged in these tedious chores. -. Jolandi
Jolandi,
I had to laugh a bit when I read “you get asked what you do while Michael is working?” As a stay at home mom for many years I had the same question, and would pause to catch the breath that had been sucked from me at the moment those words slipped from their mouths. Seriously, life didn’t stop from early morning until he was tucked in bed. Now grown and gone, I still get the question are you bored being semi-retired. Why do people feel the need to pry into your life like that? Clearly, there just as many chores for you as there are for Michael. I love your positive response, and attitude. In the midst of a bit of the chaos and work, I am thrilled you find time to enjoy the birdsong, nap under the trees and appreciate the surroundings. Your cozy home will be done soon, but in the meantime, enjoy the adventure!
Thank you for reminding me that I am not the only one getting asked these silly questions, Terri. I am still working on a stock response, but have not been able to come up with an appropriate one. I have a friend, who, when asked “so what do you do all day?”, simply replies with “I enjoy life”. I honestly don’t know why people have the need to bombard one with questions like these. It is just a lazy way of trying to make conversation, I think.
Hello Jolandi,
Absolutely! It is a shame how many folks seem oblivious to how much work goes on “behind the scenes.” I applaud your positivity and confidence and patience towards those who make such silly statements. Hope both you and Michael are doing well 🙂
Thank you, Takami. Questions like these really hit a very tender spot within me. We are well, except for Michael’s tennis elbow that is still very sensitive, which makes me a bit nervous, as we are heading back to the land in two weeks time for another session of hard work before the summer runs out. Hope you and your husband are enjoying a lovely summer. – Jolandi
There is no need to justify your chores, Jolandi. No chef could cook without someone preparing all the ingredients and keeping the kitchen running.
Thank you, Tanja.